Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
