I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
