you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
