we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just found a bag of teeth...
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I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
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We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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