I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
