And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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