I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize