I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
