i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
