As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.