Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
