We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
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As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
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Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.