IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?