Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.