he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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