dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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