I molested 6 butterflies tonight
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
