well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
