woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
