I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dick very happy bro
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
