my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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