Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
