Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
