Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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