I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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