belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
