I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
