lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
