Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
