Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
