she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
