i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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