Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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