What did we do last night that was yellow?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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