Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
