i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
