I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
