When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
that may or may not have been my penis.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
