dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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