drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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