I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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