Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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