Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You pole danced in your parka.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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