Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
