Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
