note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
do herpes really smell.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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