piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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