so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
