All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
