After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
