She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she peed on how many people?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
