:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
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You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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