I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
God, I missed his penis.
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