Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
