Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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