3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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