what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
