I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
