2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Randomize
