The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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