theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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