I want to stick my p in your. b.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
