What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
