she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just high enough for therapy.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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