do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
false alarm, still single
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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