Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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