I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Can you bring me the toilet please
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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