I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
