ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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