i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
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His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
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My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize