now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I am available for nakedness
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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