i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
