marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
