Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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