Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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