PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
