He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
