I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
