My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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