Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
