no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
