Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
