Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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