Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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