So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
